How To Ride A Bucking Horse

This information comes from the experts. I thought I would pass it on as I have found it useful a couple or three times. Enjoy :)

There is a definite "classical" method one should strictly follow while one's horse is bucking.

1. Ensure that you have an audience. There is absolutely no point in being decked by your horse unless there are, oh, say a hundred people around to watch. This way, you will have made them feel better about their own inadequacies, and you won't have to go into tedious detail explaining to everyone you know exactly how it happened. It is considered good form if at least one of the audience members is either:

• Someone you admire and want to impress; or
• Someone you despise and don't want to give any ammo; or
• Someone you have the hots for and want to impress; or
• Your best friend, who will have no compunction in falling over, laughing and pointing.

2. Try to be spectacular. I mean, anyone can just get bucked off and land on their backside, can't they? You want to try to make this "the decking to end all deckings." The Titanic of bucks. You get the picture. Now, for this you will need the following:

• An extremely acrobatic horse - you want one of those twisty-turny jobbies last seen at the National Rodeo Championships.
• A supple back - you should practice somersaults, pirouettes and handstands at home.
• A hat - see,I can be sensible!!!

3. It is best if this buck comes at a time when everyone is watching you, but no-one is prepared for what is to come. Your horse should be working nicely, giving no indication that you are about to become "the person who learned to fly." Of course, experts will point out the tail swishing, ears twitching back, and the tension around the nostrils, but they are show-offs and should be ignored. To the uninitiated, this will look like a dramatic performance which you and your horse have practiced at home.

4. When the horse leaves the ground, and launches you into the air like a cannon ball, it is far more gratifying for the crowd if you can let out a blood-curdling yell. Kind of like William Wallace did when they cut his out his guts. Practice this at home. When the local rangers knock on your door, asking if you are keeping a wild cougar in your back yard, you will know you have it right.

5. You should try to stay elevated as long as possible. The longer the better. If your arms and legs fly in impossible directions, as if you were a rag doll, you will achieve additional marks for artistic impression.

6. When you land, try to do so with a thud! The kind of dull thud that you hear when you drop a melon from a great height. Try not to go "Splat" - it puts the audience off their hamburgers.

7. Lie immobile for a while, as your horse runs off into the distance. After a suitable time, rise your head and groan:
"you butt-head!"

And that is how you ride, (or should I say - fall off), a bucking horse. (LOL) . TTFN :)

YOU SKUNK!

I have come to realize that living in the country does not always mean living in harmony with nature. When wild animals and humans share the same space there are bound to be conflicts from time to time. The conflict this week was with a skunk.

Max always is barking at something in the night. He has done a really good job at keeping unwanted critters, wild and domestic, out of the yard. But Saturday night was different. Max was barking incessantly. I finally got tired of it and went to tell him to settle down. He didn't listen to me so I went out to see what in the world was going on. There he was with his head in the chicken's hole to the chicken coop, lunging and barking like nobody's business. I am not sure why but I didn't think anything of it. I just told him to get back out of there. It didn't occur to me that maybe there was a reason he was acting crazy. That is until he did step back and I heard an unfamiliar scratching and rustling coming from inside the coop. A chill ran down my back as I ran to the house. I grabbed the flashlight and a broom (yes, a broom), and ran back out to the coop with Cerra hot on my heels. I was telling Cerra about it on the way out and she exclaimed, "What are you going to do with a broom!?" Good question. So I traded the broom for a hoe that was sitting by the garden gate, (still ???). Of course by that time the invader was gone (thank goodness). All that was left was broken egg shells. What was gone was one of the chickens. The next morning when I went to feed the horse and goats I found that not only did the varmint boldly come into the chicken coop and eat the eggs and probably carry off a chicken, he also came into the yard and ate the eggs the chickens had laid in the haystack. There were egg shells all over the place. While Cerra knew all along it was a skunk, I still wasn't sure. That is until the next night.

After some discussion Cerra and I decided to board up the chicken coop for the night and lock the kittens in the garage to keep them safe. Evening rolled around and with it an early sunset. By the time Cerra got home from her visiting teaching it was already dark. She went to lock up the kittens and I went to close up the chicken coop. I trotted out to the coop without a care and threw open the door. Who did I meet face to face? THE SKUNK! I slammed the door shut and was just about to put something over the chicken entrance when out he came. He wasted no time in finding an escape route under the coop. Well, to make an even longer story a little shorter, we set a trap that night and we did catch him. Now I have the unpleasant task of disposing of him. NOT my favorite part of country living.